Be yourself! (Except how do you do that if you have lost who that is?)
Big interview? First Date? Important Presentation at work?
Your friends and family say, “Just be yourself and you’ll do great!”
BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE?
Excellent question. Let me tell you this: you DO know who you are. Deep down inside you, YOU still exists.
It’s just hiding under a mess of expectations, fantasies, and maybe even little and big tramaus.
But you ARE still there. I promise.
So how do we do an excavation of this SELF?
Here is what I did.
I stopped performing. Full stop. I started to listen to the voice that said how I really felt, and then I let those words come of my mouth, instead of the words that were filtered through “What will they think!” or “How can I keep the peace with them but abandon myself?”
I read the book The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. But it isn’t really a book that you read as much as a book that you DO. There are practices that she outlines like the daily Artist Pages and the weekly Artist Dates. These practices changed my life. I didn’t know the blocks I had to creativity and joy until I did this. Highly recommend.
I stopped asking people who they thought I was. This is especially hard if you have close relationships with people that need you to stay who you’ve been. Asking them is just a recipe for feeling more like crap. They don’t know that they don’t want you to change. They don’t know who you are if you don’t know, either. You’ve shown them someone else. How are they supposed to know?!
Start experimenting. I didn’t have any hobbies. I decided I was going to take up painting. I’d been pretty good in school and my dad is a real-life artist so I thought—”Ah HA! I’m an artist!" I bought all of the things. I painted and painted and painted. And I didn’t like it. At all. It wasn’t like I just wasn’t good at it and so I’d like it more when I had more practice. I just…didn’t like it. I couldn’t get lost in it. Then I got some puzzles. FULL ON NO. Legos…NO. Gardening. YES! But I live in Minnesota so I can do that for about four months. And then I found minuature kits and I found my THING. I love miniatures. My heart clenches whenever I see them. When I do a project I can’t sleep because I’m so excited! I am now a member of several miniature organizations and have even gone to miniature shows in Chicago and Philadelphia. This is my THING. I get sad thinking about what my life might have been like without finding this.
Stop worring about what other people will think about what you like or what you do. The key to doing this (which could be a whole blog in and of itself!) is that if you love it so much, it won’t matter. Take my minis for an example. There isn’t a single thing anyone can say about them that would make me stop creating tiny little scenes. Not my family, friends, or strangers. Find the thing that you love so much that you tell anyone that doesn’t get it that they can go fly a kite!
Here is one thing I know. You won’t wake up one day and just know. It took years for the YOU inside you to get buried, and it’ll take some time to uncover YOU again. But gosh darn it, start today!!!! Don’t wait another minute!
(and if you find minis are your thing then contact me immediately and we will do a mini party!)
Love,
Megan