REJECTION!

I’ve worked with a lot of women in my day, and I can tell you that 90% of them get hung up on the idea that they might feel rejected. About business, life, etc. And then they don’t do the things they want to do.

Sure, it’s not a fun feeling. Susan Cain, in her book “Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole,” writes, “We live in a culture that only wants to talk about what’s going well. Anything that’s not going well is positioned as a detour from the main road. The truth is that pain is not a detour from the main road. Pain is part of the road we walk as human beings.”

The price of us thinking that not talking about things that aren’t going well is that we often think that we are the only ones on the struggle bus. We’re the only ones that find it hard to ask for help. To ask for the sale. To ask for more support.

We are the only ones to feel rejection when we stick our neck out and try for something. Everyone else is stronger, better, faster, and more resilient.

This is simply not true. I can tell you all day long that it’s not, and I know you won’t believe me because I’m asking you to use your intellect and not your heart.

Rejection stings bad.

But does it have to?

Can we use it as a sign to stop, recalibrate, and try again? Can we learn to use it as fuel to keep trying? Can we learn to not take it so dang personally?

Let’s use an example in the business world.

Let’s say you finally create your online course and are excited to hit PUBLISH. Wow, that feels amazing! It’s been something you’ve wanted to do for years!

Now, it’s time to sell this course to people. You write one social media post about how excited you are that you finally did it! And here it is, everyone, for the low-low introductory price of $27.

And it’s crickets.

Oh shit. No one signs up.

There is a rock in your stomach all of a sudden. You question everything! Your course sucks! Why did you even think you could do it? Who do you think you even are?

STOP. RIGHT. THERE.

I had a wonderful call with my coaching friend Erin, and she said, “It’s like you are a kid having a birthday party, and you’re sitting in the backyard waiting for people to come, and you aren’t sure any of them will!”

I said, “Yes, but if you only invited one person, there’s a 50/50 chance no one will come…but if you invite 30, then at least 15 will show!”

This is what happens when we anticipate feeling rejected. We don’t even try! Putting out one post on social media and evaluating your self-worth is a crappy idea. But we all do it.

So what’s the solution?

What if you made rejection something to celebrate?

Especially in the business realm? It is a clear sign that the potential clients or companies are not for you. Guess what that does?

It frees you up to find the people and companies that ARE for you.

So here is what I propose. Let’s build up our tolerance for rejection and resiliency to stand back up and try again after it happens.

Set a goal. Get rejected five times this week. One a day. The first few are going to be a gut punch. The third will hit a little softer. By the fifth, you’ll be like, ok, well…it’s not fun, but it didn’t kill me!

The next week, try again to be rejection five more times.

And by the end of next week, you’ll wonder what you were ever afraid of. You will have learned that reaching, extending, and expanding does not kill you. It doesn’t even hurt that much anymore.

And then you will be free!